Relinquish

I am in control. Everything is according to plan. I know what to do next. I have a solid well-thought out strategy. In emergencies, I have contingency plans for my contingency plans. Nothing can go wrong. Not a second is left unaccounted for. I am in the only place on earth where my power is absolute. My eyes are closed but I am safe. I say what I want, however, whenever. I smile to myself and think defiant thoughts. I am in control. I am alone. I am in my head.

I step out of my comfort zone, my power space. I open my eyes and see the digits on my phone. My limbs kick into gear. I am still in control. Then I have to do the bidding of others. I work. I take classes. I follow rules. I do things that are predetermined and dictated to me. My thoughts and words are valued at times. I am not in control. My dominion is limited. I listen. I interpret. I react. I am in control. Events occur. People change. Words are exchanged. Intentions are misread. I am caught off guard. I am not in control.

I close my eyes. If even for a minute or two. I am not in control. I think thoughts and speak words. I express my gratitude and share my thoughts. I detail my experiences and ask for understanding. I lay out my plans and contingencies. They may be foolproof but not perfect. I admit my imperfection. I share my power space and comfort zone. I pray; God hears. God is in control.

It is daunting yet I do not need to always be in control.

I relinquish.

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