It has been the harshest, longest month of my existence for so many reasons. I hated the weather—#1 “January felt like 6 weeks!” she said and I agree. I paid for mistakes I made in the preceding year with tears and hard labour—in some cases literally. Haha…learning to embrace your emotions is harder than I thought. But learning is growth. And growth is good. I’m glad it came to an end, though not necessarily the best way I envisaged. Regardless, I named it my month of gratitude. The weather has not really changed yet. I do not like to harbour strong emotions.
I turned silver on the 28th of January and, well, there were loads to reflect on. I had the time and solitude so why not stare at the metaphorical mirror of my life. I’m grateful to my Creator for being the invisible hand that guided me this far. I have tried a variety of experiments with my health, interests, education and relationships but in the long run, they all seem to fall into place. With my decisions and surrounding circumstances, I do not know any better way they could have gone. It must be God’s blessing.
#NotetoSelf: You can only see the good path in retrospect. Learn to trust Him wholeheartedly.
I am grateful to the ones who call themselves friends and family and are true to their word. I miss a call every now and then, but I try to be loyal…at least I think it sometimes. If the thought does not count, then, what does? It is hardest to smile to myself and easiest to smile to others. I am not doing so well on the self-love train. True story. I am working on turning that statistic around, so I am growing in the right direction. Yet for those who make me self-less, I thank you for choosing to stay alive and still be real with me. You know yourselves, including you, dear reader. I am grateful.
My imagination was not dead. It never was. I kind of lost a bit of—no, a lot of—oomph when I started to sag under the realities of life as a full-time worker. It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that life, this essence of breathing and moving and all that constitutes this thing, is not fair. Do the math. I’m sure die-hard optimists and idealists would rather lose a limb than dispute it. What it taught me was that I do not need to play by the rules. I only need to set them. I choose to be a lot more intentional in my steps and I choose to live a life of gratitude to those who make my steps worthwhile. I choose to allow my imagination to run wild again and to have fun with it. I choose not to censor myself anymore.
Make a choice to create something—a dream, an idea, a place, a thing, that is worthwhile. I am one thousand percent sure the universe will conspire to make it happen. A fact.
Take a step of gratitude now.